Archive for ‘Useless Emotions’

9 January 2012

Loved and Back Again

When they said I’ll grow tired of the situation, I smiled but never really believed them. I am not a masochist but my upbringing made sure I get high pain threshold. My tolerance is unbelievable, to a faulty point. I never knew when to stop and I never knew how to. Until suddenly, what they said turned out to be true.

They said it was the most vulnerable moment, that second when the grain of sand settles at the peak before turning into an avalanche.  It’s the tipping point. And between the two of us, it’s this new year.

You can never continue to hoard and decide that you can stack all in a neat pile. The whole will always be vulnerable and on the verge of tipping. In fact, it already had. I grew tired and could no longer hold on. I tipped.

I am tired of the situation that goes on and on around a circle of unhappy moments. My exasperation is greater than my patience, my tolerance, my love. This is not where I want to be, and this is not where you’d continue to have me.

I sent you all the hugs and kisses, bb. They’re all in the wind. You can let me go now.

15 November 2011

Keep Calm and Curse In Your Head

I want to say I am fairly a cool, detached person. But I know very well that I am not. I want to say I am apathetic, but who will I be kidding? I want to say nothing frazzles me, but that’ll only leave me even more frustrated of myself.

Fact is I want to curse you. I want to curse so high and loud that the glass windows of your comfort zone would break from sheer pitch of my frustration.  I want to curse so strong that it’ll shake your very core, planting the message I was trying so very long and hard to get across into your heart, mind, and soul. I want to curse you three dozen times per minute until you can no longer take it and leave. I want to curse you so crisp and convincing that every time you miss me and consider going back, you’d remember the sound of my voice saying “PUTANG INA MO”, resignation quickly eating you away from me even more than you already are.

i’ve always been very patient, very understanding, and very kind. I always tolerate. But there’s always the thin line between “going with the flow” and simply being “weak”.

Stay away.

Shut up forever.

Leave me alone.

Move along.

Move along.

Move along.

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